The Test in Love

I remember usthada Yasmin Mogahed said in her book Reclaim Your Heart, something like this line:

"The person whom you love most,
eventually become your biggest test."

With my dear grandma passed away yesterday, the whole funeral is shrouded with countless rituals.
Eventually I have to keep distancing myself from the funeral parlour each time a particular ritual begins, which is also to prevent discomfort among relatives from my refusal to participate.

Sitting at the backlane corner of the building, I can only flip through the photos of grandma in my handphone, while the rest of family gathers near her coffin.

- 11 April 2015, 21:21PM

Stucked Speech & Awakening Awareness

Having gone through a depression-kind of setback, I discovered how greatly it has impacted on my speech.

Going through the gloomy moments made me think a lot of things in mind. Then, there's being disappointed by friends whom I expected to be offered a listening ear and good advises.

In the end, all these had driven me into silence. I thought keeping my mouth shut would be better in enduring the pain patiently, waiting for the heavy rain to stop soon.

However when the sun is rising, I found myself struggling to open up. This is made obvious when I attended an interview. I notice I had a hard time expressing my thoughts. Furthermore, having recently come out from the cocoon, I was still in a daze with no clear plans on how I would like to drive my future. I was terribly stuck at that point.

Nevertheless, I'm thankful that Allah has pointed out the shortcomings that I need to improve.
Whether I will be accepted or not is one thing, but whatever the outcome, I pray that Allah strengthen my heart with Sakinah & to be more concerned in pleasing Him than anyone else.

Alhamduliah, unexpectedly yesterday I had a meaningful discussion with my friend on Tawakkul. Here, I still had difficulty expressing my points in thoughts, but the fruits produced in this 'usrah' style discussion had greatly encouraged me to keep pushing forward and break the barrier wall in my mind.

Alhamduliah the discussion proved to have open the next road to me in getting closer to Allah, especially the conviction to complaint to Him when falling into setback, because previously as someone from freethinker background I always feel like talking to the wall whenever I try to cry to Allah. Jazakumullah khairan Ali Muhammad Sabri & Ng Kuan Beng for your time and sharing

A Cold House

I do not need anyone to come and assist.
I just need words of encouragement,
in order to keep marching forward,
during the hardest decision moment.

I know I'm not strong enough yet.
But I don't care how painful this world is,
so long as I know there's someone
who will always support my decision,
even if the whole world is against me.

I know Allah is enough for us,
but please show me how.
why then He cares to sent Prophet?

Prophet faced the hardest trial in life,
yet he never failed to comfort believers'
wounded hearts.
No matter how small it is.

What wrong have I done?
Please let me know.

In the tears brimming
at the edge of my eyes,
I wonder why the motivation comfort
comes from someone outside,
instead of someone who invited me to his house.


How then will his house be my spiritual sanctuary too,
if the owner himself is cold?

31/03/2015

Precious or Priceless

You may have lost something precious,
but you will gain something priceless.

What a great blessing it is!
To have his long struggle be eased by Him.

What more can he ask for,
even if it's his most desired hope?

14 : 6

Expect yourself to be deeply disappointed,

when you're overwhelmed with love

over another worldly being.

Recall the blessings of Allah upon you,

everytime you're overwhelmed with love

over another worldly being.

Then you're set to live the stronger life

in this temporary world.

Remember how Allah care for you

with His personal touch,

that leaves you in tears.

Let yourself be overflowed with tears

because of His attention upon you,

than to be overflowed with tears,

because someone disappoints you.

Words

It was really tough to say something that is full of emotions. No words can be used to describe it in any simple manner. People may misunderstand it.

To say out one of the reason, may be misunderstand as bias.
To say out everything, is just an awful lot for such small conversation space.

Silence may be the only answer. Bersangka baik is the conclusion cap.

But to Allah, He knows already from A to Z of your heart.
None but You knows best what I am going through.
Let not my heart be panic,
Let not my heart be panic.
Nothing happens except by You will, isn't?

The End is not an End

The end is not an end of something,
It's just a beginning of something.
The end of the world,
is just an end of this world,
and a beginning for Hereafter.
There is death,
and there is birth.
Where there is snow fall,
There would be spring bloom.
Nothing here is permanent.
The best has yet to be locked,
until you're in Hereafter.
Alhamduliah